A to Z of Sex Therapist – D is for Delayed Ejaculation
Delayed Ejaculation (DE) is documented as one of the least common issues found in men, so I was surprised to find that this problem was presented in my clinic quite regularly when I started my career as a sex therapist.
Delayed ejaculation is a condition in which it takes a longer than usual amount of time for a man (or person with a penis) to ejaculate and reach orgasm. This time frame varies from person to person, but generally speaking if, despite adequate sexual stimulation, it is taking a person too long to ejaculate, they may be suffering from delayed ejaculation.
So How Long Is Too Long? I Hear You Ask.
That Depends On The Person Having Sex And Their Partner. Is The Time It’s Taking Causing, Exhaustion, Distress, Boredom, Anxiety, Pain Or Worse, Injury?
Lasting longer than the average person might be seen as ‘good staying power’ to some but can often be very distressing for others.
Delayed ejaculation (DE) can have a significant impact on the sexual pleasure of both partners. Learning more about DE and the treatment options available can help couples overcome this problem and enjoy their sex life once again.
It’s important to note that this condition is different from erectile dysfunction, which refers to difficulty achieving or maintaining an erection. DE can occur with or without erectile dysfunction and is most often caused by psychological issues, although physical factors such as nerve damage or hormone imbalances can also be the cause.
Fear of pregnancy, fear of vaginas, an aversion to defiling their partner with sperm, shame, sexual guilt, previous sexual abuse, lack of confidence in sexual ability, a poor relationship, a lack of arousal despite achieving an erection are all possible factors. Self-consciousness can be so inhibiting that once delayed ejaculation has been experienced once, it can set up a performance anxiety of it happening again.
Men, and women consequently may fake their orgasm to save embarrassment and to bring an early end to an unenjoyable and stressful sexual encounter, instead of discussing the issue and making an agreement as to how long is reasonable to continue.
How to treat DE….
Fortunately, there are many treatments available for those who suffer from delayed ejaculation. Depending on the cause of the issue, various medications may be prescribed to address any underlying medical conditions, or maybe the very cause of the DE could be due to the medication you are already taking.
Additionally, certain lifestyle changes such as quitting smoking and reducing alcohol consumption may help improve DE symptoms over time.
Relationship issues could be a major factor in the underlying cause of delayed ejaculation and for this you may want to seek the help of a relationship/couples counsellor.
Finally, Psychosexual Therapy is also often recommended for those with psychological issues causing their DE, as talking through these issues can help alleviate some of the pressure associated with having sex and ultimately lead to better performance in the bedroom. A thorough assessment with a Psychosexual Therapist can help you to explore the reasons why you may be suffering with this distressing condition.